Yeah, so today, I'm fine. A little off-kilter and hungover from a 10 hour night of sleep, but fine.
My friends and I ate at Babe's Chicken this weekend in Burleson, TX. I stepped away for a little solitude (of which I crave lately) and a nearby outdoor heater, and I watched two little girls start up a game-- something about how many times they could jump on and off the sidewalk without falling over. The scene was amusing for a moment, then they both stopped and isntantly, one little girl started making "new rules" for the game. Suddenly, I had mental flashbacks to games in which a friend or myself would make up arbitrary "rules" for a game in order to make it more interesting. Then I started thinking. At such a young age, we learn the art of placing rules on ourselves - dictating what we can't/can do without ever knowing (or even having) a reason why the rule is in place. Doesn't that carry over our lives? I think we have such a hard time living in the Spirit because rules are welled deep within us - a taught habit at a very young age that slowly encompasses every aspect of life. Once we learn this has happened, I think the rest of our lives, we learn how to free ourselves from this legalistic-like bondage. Either we place rules on ourselves, or rules are placed on us. For one, keeping up with all of them is absolutely exhausting. Trying to follow the rules of the ones we care about leaves us spent and empty. Thats where I find myself. Trying to escape. Trying to do what I think is best, regardles of what the world around me believes. Is this this following the Spirit? or disregarding the wisdom around me? I heard this morning that we are called to love, but not called to love stupid. Interesting....
I think I want a re-do on today. Not that anything particularly bad has happened today or that I am angry or depressed, but somehow, I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like something in my life is completely out of sync, and I have no idea what it is or how to fix it. I feel like the Spirit inside me is stifled by something - be it sin or something else - but something is keeping me from progressing. Something keeping me from moving on, from living. I havent blogged in a while, but I thought that maybe if I did, I could process what I am feeling. Part of me just wants to go home, go to bed, wake up and do it over tomorrow. Where is life? Funny thing is, I hate being this dramatic and tomorrow, I will think I am a moron for doing so. Nonetheless, my thoughts are down and we'll see where I am after a commercial break. :)
Posted by erikascrimp at 15:26